Category Archives: Christmas

But It’s On Sale!

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Christmas may come
But once a year,
But, Oh my Lord!
It’s become very dear!
Though fiscally frugal
Right through the whole year
Yet, come Festive Season,
It’s all out the rear!

The plastic has melted
Through flagrant abuse.
The wallet’s been belted
By gross overuse.
The cash is depleted,
Though who uses cash?
All plans are unseated,
By purchases rash.

But it’s not yet December
And there’s friends to remember.
Though it’s years since you’ve seen them
So perhaps you don’t need them?
Still, Aunt Mary’s niece
Needs another nice piece
So, a Tiffany’s Breakfast
Is a financial Wreck Fest.

But when the Day’s here,
You can have a cold beer
And not think of the bill
‘Cause it will make you ill,
Since you’ve got a whole year
To escape from arrears
And your memory is short
Of the stuff that you’ve bought.

So, come next Festive Season,
You’ll find a good reason
‘Cause your heart may be leaning
To remember the meaning
And escape all the sadness
And the monetary madness
To enjoy Christmas cheer
With another cold beer!

Holiday Cheer (or The Throne of Regret)

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Last week (don’t you see?) at a quarter past three,
A solemn fridge-opening took place.
He stood there and looked, at the things raw and cooked,
With the blankest of looks on his face.

His arms stretched out wide, open doors at his side,
Silent, expectant, oblivious.
And yet, all the while, despite “MAX” on the dial,
The temperature crept up – quite insidious!

Having waited some time, in this unmoving mime,
Hoping something’d jump out for his meal,
He started to cough, as the food – it went off,
And his fate, in the end, he did seal.

Though the food tasted weird, and congealed on his beard,
His hunger outvoted his sense.
As the Holidays went, he began his descent,
In the bathroom, he made recompense!

Stephen Tomkins
3 January 2016
Sydney

A Whole New Hive

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Black_Friday

The bees are buzzing once again,
But not with pollen do they fly –
Bearing coloured bags and then
They struggle airborne through the sky.
A strange new hive they occupy
And, just as busy as the last,
Seek new bargains on the sly.
With success, word travels fast.
Antennae touching once or twice,
Communication never stops.
Phones a-buzzing, very nice,
Though even that can’t top the shops!

The drones are, elsewhere, busy bees
While Queens are massing by the door.
The numbers build by twos and threes
Until it seems there can’t be more.
The doors are opened – hear the cheer!
Thus, the frenzy can begin!
Stand aside or feel the fear!
There’s bloodshed by the Bargain Bin!
A hornet’s nest has been disturbed:
“I saw that from across the store!!”
The staff look on quite unperturbed:
From whence they came there’s plenty more!

Stephen Tomkins
18 December 2015
Sydney

Picture credits:
www.thesun.co.uk
planmysite.com

‘Twas The Night After Christmas

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‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing was stirring, not even a mouse.
All were asleep in a comatose state
After approving of each empty plate.

The feast had exceeded all rational bounds,
Come New Year resolving to shed extra pounds.
The fridge was still groaning with leftover cheer:
Turkeys and trifles and cases of beer.

Mountains of paper, cards and empty boxes
That once had contained iPads and new X-boxes,
Remained on the floor, a new obstacle course,
Attempted by those lacking sober recourse.

Crackers and pate and nibblies unending
Fuelled the reunions and newly befriending.
Children a-running and Dad-jokes a-cracking,
Into their tummies, the food they were packing.

The fun had continued late into the night –
A successful engagement with only one fight!
The hosts were exhausted, collapsed into bed,
To clean up tomorrow, it’s best left unsaid!

Stephen Tomkins
28 December 2014