Holiday Cheer (or The Throne of Regret)


Last week (don’t you see?) at a quarter past three,
A solemn fridge-opening took place.
He stood there and looked, at the things raw and cooked,
With the blankest of looks on his face.

His arms stretched out wide, open doors at his side,
Silent, expectant, oblivious.
And yet, all the while, despite “MAX” on the dial,
The temperature crept up – quite insidious!

Having waited some time, in this unmoving mime,
Hoping something’d jump out for his meal,
He started to cough, as the food – it went off,
And his fate, in the end, he did seal.

Though the food tasted weird, and congealed on his beard,
His hunger outvoted his sense.
As the Holidays went, he began his descent,
In the bathroom, he made recompense!

Stephen Tomkins
3 January 2016

A Whole New Hive


The bees are buzzing once again,
But not with pollen do they fly –
Bearing coloured bags and then
They struggle airborne through the sky.
A strange new hive they occupy
And, just as busy as the last,
Seek new bargains on the sly.
With success, word travels fast.
Antennae touching once or twice,
Communication never stops.
Phones a-buzzing, very nice,
Though even that can’t top the shops!

The drones are, elsewhere, busy bees
While Queens are massing by the door.
The numbers build by twos and threes
Until it seems there can’t be more.
The doors are opened – hear the cheer!
Thus, the frenzy can begin!
Stand aside or feel the fear!
There’s bloodshed by the Bargain Bin!
A hornet’s nest has been disturbed:
“I saw that from across the store!!”
The staff look on quite unperturbed:
From whence they came there’s plenty more!

Stephen Tomkins
18 December 2015

Picture credits:

‘Twas The Night After Christmas

‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house
Nothing was stirring, not even a mouse.
All were asleep in a comatose state
After approving of each empty plate.

The feast had exceeded all rational bounds,
Come New Year resolving to shed extra pounds.
The fridge was still groaning with leftover cheer:
Turkeys and trifles and cases of beer.

Mountains of paper, cards and empty boxes
That once had contained iPads and new X-boxes,
Remained on the floor, a new obstacle course,
Attempted by those lacking sober recourse.

Crackers and pate and nibblies unending
Fuelled the reunions and newly befriending.
Children a-running and Dad-jokes a-cracking,
Into their tummies, the food they were packing.

The fun had continued late into the night –
A successful engagement with only one fight!
The hosts were exhausted, collapsed into bed,
To clean up tomorrow, it’s best left unsaid!

Stephen Tomkins
28 December 2014