Mighty Otis!

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Mighty Otis! God of Lifts!
By your power, we skywards shift.
To office workers, you’re a gift!
Daily we give thanks!

Inside your halls, we press your numbers,
Lighting up, we still can slumber.
Without you, up the stairs we’d lumber,
Puffing, sweating ranks!

Once inside, we face your altar.
Auto-doors will never falter.
If they did, stay calm we oughta!
‘Long as we stay up!

Safe at work, we do ignore you.
Secretly, we do adore you.
Come knock-off time, we do implore you:
Please to hurry up!

Down the shaft, we start to plummet,
Falling quickly from the summit,
Trying hard now not to vomit!
Where’d my stomach go?

Ensconced inside your cage we fall.
At every floor we seem to call.
There’s no room left here for you all!
A-waiting you must go!

Safe at ground, there’s disbelief:
Once more, we’ve avoided grief.
Thank you, Otis! Sweet relief!
Homeward we can go!

Mighty Otis! You’re the best!
Way ahead of all the rest!
Schindler’s lift can’t pass your test!
Daily we give thanks!

Stephen Tomkins
2 April 2014

(Note: To avoid confusion, Otis and Schindler are two manufacturers of elevators or lifts.)

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My Digital World

All through the day and then the night
I downloaded a megabyte.
“A megabyte?” I hear you say
And shake your head in sad dismay.
“You must have gotten more than that!”
And so I would but for my cat.

She frequently attacks the mouse
And drags my Mac around the house,
Through the halls and down the stairs,
Over books and under chairs.

Despite the damage caused by this,
The keyboard is her place of bliss,
And there she likes to sleep and purr
While excess downloads, I incur.

I scratch my head and then disable
Wifi modem and the cable.
Sadly, though, I soon forget
The 3G network and my pet.

In haste, I call my ISP,
With phone in hand and cup of tea.
Naturally, though, I’m put on hold
And sitting there, it soon grows cold.

I start to laugh and soon feel better
And decide I’d rather send a letter.

Stephen Tomkins
3 March 2014

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My cat, Mia. She’s not as innocent as she looks!

Nothing To It! (or “What’s It Like To Be A Pilot?”)

Some envy my most glam’rous life.
You think it’s great? Just ask my wife!
She can’t remember who I am,
Quite over all pretence of glam!
Myself, I try to introduce
And broker an uneasy truce.
I slump into a comfy chair
To make up for night’s spent ‘up there’!
Soon enough my snoozing’s through,
There’s far too many jobs to do!

“You have to study? But what for?
You must have done it all before!”
And so I have but there’s more to it
Than simply turning up to do it!
“You only have to fly the plane!”
Such comments drive me quite insane!
The testing comes round mighty fast;
I study so I might get passed!
Keeping up to date is fun,
You start again just when you’re done!

In the cockpit, people ask:
“Just how easy is your task?
The autopilot does the work,
Sitting there is just a perk!
The takeoff’s done by button press
While you sit there in fancy dress!
Another press completes the landing!”
Shows their lack of understanding!
Were it so easy, they would be
Sitting there instead of me!

But when the rain falls, lightning flashes,
Engines fail and thunder crashes,
They’re very glad we’re sitting there,
Strapped into our sturdy chair,
With all our skills kept up to date,
Averting quite a nasty fate!
So when in flight you think “How easy!”
Remember us when you feel queasy!
It’s in our blood, this love of flight;
The work we do is out of sight!

Stephen Tomkins
31 December 2014