I Just Wanted a Drink!


Yet another busy morning
And the sun had finished dawning
When I started craving iced mocha frappe.
So I hurried down the street,
Looking forward to a treat
As I headed to a trendy local cafe.

So I went right on inside
And then managed to collide
With a waitress and a tray of hot coffee.
The coffee hit the ground,
In the cafe not a sound,
But the floor was now brown and kind of frothy.

“I’m so sorry!” is what I said,
With a face gone very red,
Adding, “Now please let me buy another round.”
The waitress rolled her eyes,
With accompanying sighs,
And her next few words were really quite profound:

“A Keira Knightley for the man,
Whoopi Goldberg and a flan
For the lady over there by the window.
Michael Jordan, Al Pacino
For the guys both wearing chinos,
And another for the guy who brought his pillow!”

I was stunned and in a daze,
Wilting underneath her gaze,
So whipped out my credit card to make the payment.
I quickly then sat down,
She approached me with a frown;
Of her time, you see, I’m now another claimant.

“Please upon me now take pity:
I’ve not understood the ditty
That you used just now to place the coffee order.”
She rolled her eyes again,
And with paper and a pen,
Tried to pacify my mind from its disorder.

“Skinny, flat white’s Keira Knightley,
And now hold on very tightly,
‘Cos a Michael Jordan’s clearly a long black.
Cappuccino is guess who?
Black, none’s easy, even you!
Whoopi Goldberg has the quick wit that you lack!”

To my senses, I came later,
And somehow managed to date her;
On her pretty face I sometimes see such pain.
‘Cos I guess by now you know
That my brain’s a little slow:
All her jokes she has to take time to explain!

Stephen Tomkins
3 January 2015

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