This Humble Bean

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This humble little Bean, untouched by human hands,
Growing unmolested in the soil of distant lands.
Valued more than dollars, pounds and even life itself,
It doesn’t linger long upon the tree or café shelf.

Its devotees may contemplate the meaning of the Bean
In sample-selling salons here and there and in between.
A life spent in such contemplation, surely, is well spent.
Ten dollars for a cup of Joe? Yep! It’s worth every cent!

Pulling, pressing, percolating – don’t care how it’s done!
I need a double shot right now – I’ll take it on the run!
Who cares about the price of oil or gold or other things?
What matters is the warming buzz and joy that coffee brings!

Stephen Tomkins
22 March 2016
Sydney

Check-Mate

I am a tradie-person, as cool as cool can be:
My plumber’s crack is round the back, just where a crack should be.
I jump into my tradie-ute, ‘cause bigger’s so much better,
(Despite the freezing cold outside, I’d never wear a sweater!)
Consult my phone and, all alone, reschedule everything.
I’m breaking all my promises. See? That’s the tradie-thing.

I’m racing down the highway now, ignoring all the signs,
‘Cause racing’s what we tradies do yet somehow get no fines.
“Yes, I can fix all that for you, the price is (quite outrageous)”.
Enthusiasm level now, for cash, is quite contagious!
“I’ll see you maybe late next week” and lucky you will be.
You’d better do the job yourself – I’ll tell you that for free!

Stephen Tomkins
22 March 2016
Sydney

I’m Not Crazy!

Insanity runs in my family,

The author of constant calamity.

He sped to my sister

And tenderly kissed her,

And then rushed over to me.

 

Detected in me fertile ground

And smiled at the treasure he’d found.

As he messed with my head,

I retreated to bed –

To this day, that’s where I’ll be found.

 

Stephen Tomkins

15 February 2016

Perth

Unintended Consequences

candlestick

Jack not so nimble,

Jack not so quick.

Jack failed to clear the lit candlestick.

Awake and unconscious,

They both took their turns,

A most tender place for those third degree burns.

He’s now held together with pieces of wire

And sings boy soprano for St Michael’s choir.

 

Stephen Tomkins
2 March 2016
Sydney

 With apologies to children everywhere…

Photo credit:
http://www.buzzle.com
kizaz.com

bull-leaping

Sorry For Being Born

The-Overly-Excited

Arrive at airport, cap in hand.
My bags are packed, my travel planned.
“Oh! The glamour!” you may think
But I’ll be treated like I stink!

As airline staff on cheap staff travel,
All careful plans will now unravel.
So I approach the hallowed desk
Where staff may check-in at their risk.

Like an insect, I am viewed
And told to wait in voices rude.
In holding pen, we congregate
And hopefully await our fate.

In muted tones, we quiz each other
And try obliquely to discover
Just where we fit into the list –
My category must be higher than this!

At last they start to call some names,
And so begin the churlish games.
Those lucky few will get on board,
The rest of us will sit here, bored.

Like music to my weary ears,
I hear my name as chaos clears.
They take my bag, give me a pass,
And tell me, “Move your bloody arse!”

I sprint now to the Customs queue.
Amidst the throng, I wrestle through.
On my watch, I check the time –
My God! How long’s this frappin’ line!

Finally, I get on board,
Wedged between two giants! Lord!
So strong the scent of garlic is,
There’ll be no vampires here for years!

I’ll need no seatbelt come what may:
Restrained by blubber, I will stay.
Come meal-time, there’ll be nothing left.
Cheap travel is a wondrous gift!

JHJ

Stephen Tomkins
7 January 2016
Sydney

Photo credits:

http://www.businessworldtravel.com
theegyptiantraveler.blogspot.com
acollectionofmusings.wordpress.com

Winners Are Whiners

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Doubters may just doubt and the haters may just hate,
But if you don’t get this right, I may have to litigate.
Excuses can be made and those waivers may be signed,
And legal advocation I may even have declined.
But now I have a lawyer and a famous one at that,
So if you don’t settle soon, we’ll do more than have a chat.
The High Court’s now the venue and it shouldn’t take too long:
You see, it really doesn’t matter whether you’ve been in the wrong,
‘Cos my lawyer’s a performer and she charges by the minute
So I may just be the loser even if my side should win it!

Stephen Tomkins
22 December 2015
Sydney

Photo Credits:
http://www.jobdescription101.com
www.criminallawyers.com.au

 

Holiday Cheer (or The Throne of Regret)

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Last week (don’t you see?) at a quarter past three,
A solemn fridge-opening took place.
He stood there and looked, at the things raw and cooked,
With the blankest of looks on his face.

His arms stretched out wide, open doors at his side,
Silent, expectant, oblivious.
And yet, all the while, despite “MAX” on the dial,
The temperature crept up – quite insidious!

Having waited some time, in this unmoving mime,
Hoping something’d jump out for his meal,
He started to cough, as the food – it went off,
And his fate, in the end, he did seal.

Though the food tasted weird, and congealed on his beard,
His hunger outvoted his sense.
As the Holidays went, he began his descent,
In the bathroom, he made recompense!

Stephen Tomkins
3 January 2016
Sydney

A Whole New Hive

Black_Friday

The bees are buzzing once again,
But not with pollen do they fly –
Bearing coloured bags and then
They struggle airborne through the sky.
A strange new hive they occupy
And, just as busy as the last,
Seek new bargains on the sly.
With success, word travels fast.
Antennae touching once or twice,
Communication never stops.
Phones a-buzzing, very nice,
Though even that can’t top the shops!

The drones are, elsewhere, busy bees
While Queens are massing by the door.
The numbers build by twos and threes
Until it seems there can’t be more.
The doors are opened – hear the cheer!
Thus, the frenzy can begin!
Stand aside or feel the fear!
There’s bloodshed by the Bargain Bin!
A hornet’s nest has been disturbed:
“I saw that from across the store!!”
The staff look on quite unperturbed:
From whence they came there’s plenty more!

Stephen Tomkins
18 December 2015
Sydney

Picture credits:
www.thesun.co.uk
planmysite.com

The World (and Other Trivialities)

Earth-CC-Dreaming-in-the-Deep-South

I reach into my ancient bag,
My old umbrella, for to seek.
From disuse, it’s now a rag
And, when it rains, it’s sure to leak.

Of what use is the outside world?
Not air-conditioned like at home,
The elements against me hurled
If I decide outdoors to roam.

Why can’t the world be more serene?
It’s certainly a pleasant blue.
Vindictive, vengeful, it can seem,
Its violence is never through.

Torrential rain some people cop,
While others meet a baking drought.
Snow and ice – it doesn’t stop –
And howling winds our efforts flout.

Our greatest minds can surely do
Much better than they have ‘til now.
With climate change, perhaps it’s true?
We’ve made a start, so take a bow!

Stephen Tomkins
4 December 2015
Sydney

Picture credits:
moonshotpr.com
pics-about-space.com

Love Makes The World Go Round

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Prologue

It’s said, “Love makes the world go round”,
A lovely notion, to be sure,
But not at all what I have found –
The proof to clear to be ignored.

I

If, indeed, that were the truth,
You early lovers, take a bow!
Perhaps, at one time, in its youth,
The earth was cuboid, unlike now,

Or maybe flat. So after all,
The ancients knew more than they seemed,
When, off the edge, they feared they’d fall.
Their reputations now redeemed.

But that would mean they didn’t love
Enough to make the world a grape.
It hits me like an iron glove!
Start lovin’ lest the world reshape!

II

Love, it’s true, is well and good
But that’s not what propels the earth.
Incompetence misunderstood,
Second-rate, we should rebirth.

Imagine if, when jobs are done,
The work was perfect every time.
Standards checking, we could shun,
The world’s a whole new paradigm!

Yes, we’d save some time and cash,
But would we pay a diff’rent price?
Let’s think this through and not be rash,
It sounds, to me, like paradise!

If jobs were done right every time,
The work would get done twice as fast.
Costs would drop! It sounds just fine!
I think it’s all to good to last!

Need fewer workers – unemployed!
Consumer watchdogs – needed not!
And no more checkers – undeployed!
Lawyers, courts? No! Not a jot!

The unemployed ranks soon would swell,
And, perfectly, they’d do their work.
A consequence none could foretell:
All other work they’d surely shirk!

The health wealth tap would soon be plugged,
With Doctors curing every ill.
No more Doctors, Nurses, drugs,
And that would be a bitter pill.

World economies implode
As more and more are unemployed.
Lifestyles would then soon erode –
The Few delight in schadenfreude!

Incompetents would then rise up,
Restoring balance to the void.
Every time a job’s stuffed up:
More incompetents deployed!

A happy cycle then ensues:
With more work, more mouths we feed.
No more unemployment queues –
Incompetence is what we need!

So you see, my friends, in fact
It’s not love makes the world go round.
Shapeliness it does enact,
But shoddy work we should propound!

Stephen Tomkins
4 December 2015
Sydney

Picture credits:

indulgy.com
en.paperblog.com