I simply asked what I should eat;
Advice rained from the sky like sleet:
Eat more of this and less of that.
Avoid all foods containing fat.
Eat less sugar. Eat less salt.
Cook your food by lightning bolt.

Leafy greens and oily fish
Must adorn most every dish.
Eat less red meat, leaner cuts.
Stay alive by eating nuts.
Omega 3 and red krill oil.
Remove the skin and cook in foil.

Right! I think I understand!
At last I have my diet planned.
Wait! The experts changed their mind!
And what did this new research find?
Eat less of this and more of that.
Eat more foods containing fat.

Try more red meat. Add some wine.
Eat what you like! You’re doing fine!
You need more sunlight. Exercise.
Add to your diet more meat pies.
Just wait a while and you’ll agree
It’s very hard to plan your tea!

At least you still can drink my shake
And eat my guilt-free Muffin Bake!
Infomercials? Good advice!
You should try my Wonder Rice!
I like to play upon your guilt,
And thanks to you, my mansion’s built!

Stephen Tomkins
19 November 2014